So Close

Have you ever come so close to a meaningful epiphany and then held your breath as you felt it slip away. It's so simple. So subtle. Just a click in time-space where all things seem to settle into their right places. Connected. Special. Eternal. But, like the little speck in your eye that creates a lighted dot in your vision, as you attempt to focus on it, it moves away. So, begins this little game. You try to trick the speck of light. You look away, but secretly use your peripheral to study the speck. However, in the end, temptation wins out. The light flits away again mockishly.

I sat at the edge of my bed today, surrounded by sorted piles of laundry: darks, lights and whites. Stranger Than Fiction played in the background. And then, completely by chance, illumination descended. The meaning of life. My purpose on this earth. The next step required for achieving the fulfillment of all my deepest aspirations. All I need to do is... I held my breath. I opened my soul to fully receive the message. I gazed directly into the face of my fate. And, just like that, it was gone.

Down and down I spiraled, hurtled back among the unknowing masses clammering amid the dark chaos of life. Waiting. Stepping into nothingness. Left with only my doubts and the lingering suspicion that my near-life experience was merely a jolt of informed persuasion brought about by a movie about literature. So swayed am I by the tone and plot of great film, I often fancy myself belonging to the story. My tone and language conform to that of the movie and this hypnotic process can last for a few hours or even the length of the day. What can I say? I'm a romantic. Hungry for inspiration. And still, no closer to knowing what to do next.

So, all I can do is this.